oh [person]:

not even sure why you thought it mattered. high school, sure. People stole yearbooks out of other kid’s’ lockers if they had forgotten to purchase one at the beginning of the school year. but college yearbook photo? for some reason it seemed important at the time. you considered yourself, what, stylish, original, something? hair was always some color. outfits. a bolo tie and a colorful vest, I’m serious. you sat down and the photographer, some punk kid, said You should really be wearing a tie. you’re all [dot dot dot but I don’t] and he’s We’d really prefer it. yes your lip was practically quavering, he just wouldn’t take the picture, the lamest and least manly stand-off of all time. so you got up and left, went home, crying, distraught, called your parents b/c didn’t know who else to complain to, couldn’t believe the injustice. who was this guy to, first thing about individuality, how you wanted to be remembered, ties aren’t who you, etc. just inconsolable. just so amazed at the injustice the gall the lack of*

* you can count on one hand the number of times you’ve actually sobbed in your life, and this was one of them? babies get raped and strangled and buried in the woods, FYI.

but either it wasn’t worth fighting about, or he just bested you; you were afraid to go back there not wearing a tie (for some reason it still seemed important, I don’t know why you didn’t see then what I’m seeing now), so you did. you wore a tie, sat down and it was over in 2 minutes, 10 years ago.

who was right? did that guy crush your spirit forever, or did he save you from yourself? a bolo tie and a colorful vest. but not really, let’s face it: the tie you chose was exceedingly ugly. just awful. later that girlfriend made you throw it out and you were all ?!? clearly the bigger lesson is you were blind to your inability to dress yourself. of course years later you were diagnosed with color-blindness.

current yearbook statuses:

  • college: no idea. never even opened it.
  • high school: in a box in the garage.