The details of my home liposuction are still emerging. For a while there was a whole bunch of internal debate about where I would actually conduct it. After careful consideration and a few headaches I decided on the downstairs bathroom as the operating theater. Basically the downstairs bathroom and the kitchen are the only uncarpeted rooms, and the kitchen is somewhat of a high-traffic area. I suppose the garage would have been another option, but it doesn’t seem as sanitary.
So at this point I’m basically finalizing my tool set.
I recently obtained a decent-sized dropcloth, which is pretty excellent. Also I got my buckets and rubber gloves. Watching TV late one night I was afforded the opportunity to purchase a high-quality set of assorted knives and kitchen implements which is guaranteed or your money back. I am thinking the fillet or the paring knife will be good for the initial incision. And then I have a very thin needle and some high-test black thread for afterwards. I just took a beginner’s sewing class at Betsy’s Handicraft Cottage, so I feel like I’m good on the basics.
I guess the in-between part is still my major gray area. How do you get at all that fat, I guess is my question. Once you make the incision is it all just right there? Or do you have to go in pretty far. I’m still doing some internet research in and around this. But one thing I can’t figure out is what is the consistency like? I think I read that they use a suction device when they do this in real life, but surely a vacuum cleaner is not applicable. There’s special attachments like for the couch cushions, but still. So, I don’t know. Is it like pudding, so I can just ladle it out? Or is it like all stuck together like muscles and tendons, where you have to really hack away and tear at it. That is like my worst-case scenario right there. But I’m pretty dedicated and if I can get there I’m probably going to be down for whatever at that point in terms of getting the job done.
A lot of people have emailed in to offer their assistance while I’m performing the operation. That is so cool, but I feel like this is the kind of thing you have to do on your own, you know? I mean the whole thing is I’m self-conscious and have a negative self-image about people looking at me in general, so having someone right there while I’m conducting my own liposuction would feel like 9 kinds of crazy awkward.
Probably it sounds like I’m not taking this all very seriously, and in your imagination I’m all alone in a bathroom, mopping up blood and human waste into a bucket and you just think Man that is so horrifying and disgusting. But, I don’t know. It’s like the same level of discomfort as looking at myself naked in the mirror every day, so whatever, I think I can handle it, thanks.