Paul Ford: Sunshine Guy

10 Things I would say to Paul Ford if he was the receptionist in my office.

01. Whenever it was rainy, I would look out the window with an expression of mock disappointment and say: “Paul! What’s with the crummy weather! I thought I told you to order me up some sunshine! Come on already!”

02. Every payday I would open my check stub near Paul’s desk and say: “Jeez, Paul! I thought you were gonna have them give me a big raise! Weren’t you gonna do that for me? I thought we discussed that!”

03. Every time my lead pencil ran out of lead I would say: “Paul, could you order some more lead pencils? When you get a chance.”

04. Every time I had a meeting I would say: “Paul, hold all my calls. I’m going into a meeting.”

05. Every time Paul brought me my mail I would say: “Now Paul, there better be a check for a million dollars in there for me.”

06. Every time I took a massive dump and clogged up the toilet I would say: “Paul, I think one of the toilets in the men’s room is clogged. When you get a chance.”

07. Every time Paul reminded me about a meeting I would say: “Thanks, boss. Thanks, coach.”

08. Every time I couldn’t figure out how to open an email attachment, I would call Paul in to my office to do it for me. Then when he was done I would point to the monitor and say “Hey, does this thing get HBO, too?”

09. Every time my mind went blank I’d say: “Paul. What was I just about to do. Was I gonna call someone?”

10. Every time it was sunny I would say: “Paul! Who do I have to thank for this sunshine? Did you order it up just for me? Is this sunshine your handiwork? Are you the sunshine guy?”