not only am I still uncertain and lost, but last night just as I was falling asleep i started violently choking and coughing, as though I had been drowning.
in my dreams am I drowning in my dreams.
Yesterday I saw a praying mantis in the flowers. The day before I saw a spider trying to kill a moth. today I have not seen even one bug, so I no longer think that nature is trying to tell me anything.
which is good because I’m starting to doubt the existence of everything. particularly as it relates to the internet. I doubt everything I read. I don’t believe for a second that anyone is telling the truth. on their websites, in their emails to me. everything seems like a lie. everyone is playing tricks on me. i’m making a note of this now so we can gauge how bad I get. but i am pretty sure I will discover that everything is a hoax fairly soon.
like in the next few months. I try to be peaceful and relaxed but i’m always so dizzzy.
also I saw the way the rain untangles the clouds.
It was really not today. It’s so not. It’s so not out, isn’t it? Will it be not tomorrow again?
i’m still invoking you. what does that mean.